I’ve learnt two incredibly important things over the past few months.
1. It’s ok not to be ok.
2. It’s more than ok to put yourself first.
Things don’t have to be perfect and planned all the time. I wasn’t happy with things for a really long time, so I got out and changed them and now I don’t know what’s next. As someone who has always had a plan and who has always known what’s around the corner in life, I’m in a really strange position where I have no idea what the hell is going to happen. Does it scare me? Yes. Do I like it? Of course I do.
I’m learning to love the fear of the Unknown. I have a huge overarching goal, but instead of plotting out the steps to get there I’m playing it by ear for the first time in my life and I couldn’t be more excited about it. It’s ok not to be ok, because not being ok with a situation is what got me into this exciting time. I don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow, but if I aim to make every day matter, I’ll figure it out.
There’s a lot of I’s up there. I’ve constantly lived my life by trying to please other people and trying to make others happy, even if it meant I was miserable. So with my new found philosophy of not having a plan, I’m going to put myself first. I’m going to make myself happy and with that, I’ll get to where I’m going.
As what could arguable be the worst year ever comes to an end, I’m determined to make 2017 the best year of my life. I can’t change the vote of the US presidential election or the EU referendum result, but I can be happier. I can spend more time with the people I love and I can make a life for myself that isn’t valued by the opinions of other people.
I cannot wait.